The Power of Accepting Your Evolving Identity

Sara Mangan Ramelb
Jan 15
4 min read

Identity and Resistance – Part 1

Have you ever paused to reflect on the way you introduce yourself to others? We all have that elevator pitch, a go-to introduction that distills who we are into a neat little package. Depending on the situation, you might lead with your job title, your role as a parent, or a core aspect of your identity that feels central to who you are. Maybe you talk about being a proud artist, a long-time activist, or a native of a town that, for some reason, you only began to appreciate after moving away.

Whatever it is, we all have these “greatest hits” — the aspects of our identity we turn to when we need to define ourselves to the world. They become as much a part of us as our skin or our heartbeat. And yet, they’re not always as fixed as we might think.

The Fluid Nature of Who We Are

Our identity is a constantly shifting mosaic. Some pieces are handed to us — like being a parent or a sibling — while others we craft ourselves, from our passions to our jobs to the causes we care about. And while we can proudly wear our interests and passions on our sleeves, there’s a danger in becoming too attached to any one piece. Because here’s the thing: we’re not just the sum of our titles, hobbies, or roles. We are constantly evolving. And at some point, the very aspects of our identity that once felt like the essence of who we are may start to feel more like a weight holding us back.

When Clinging to Your Identity Becomes a Roadblock

A conversation I had this week with Jennifer (listen here) sparked something I hear often in my personal and professional circles: “Who would I be if I stopped being a [fill in the blank]?” This question can pop up at pivotal moments of change. Maybe it’s a career shift you’ve been thinking about but have a hard time imagining putting action around. Maybe you’ve been a lawyer for decades, but lately, you can’t shake the thought of opening a bakery. Or perhaps, you’re facing a more personal loss — like the idea of a divorce, where the identity of "wife" or "partner" suddenly feels like something you’re being asked to relinquish.

It's not easy. It's natural to resist. Change at this level can feel scary, even threatening to our core sense of self. But here’s the truth: when we let an old identity dictate our next move, we may be standing in the way of our own growth.

Embracing Changes to Core Aspects of your Identity

Acknowledge the Fear and Resistance First, let's recognize that dealing with identity shifts is heavy work. It’s deep and, at times, confusing. Change, especially in how we see ourselves, can stir up big emotions. So, be gentle with yourself. Take a moment to acknowledge that the fear and resistance you're feeling are natural — this is the part of the process where you're digging into the heart of who you are. But also ask yourself: Is it time? Is this change calling to you? You might have dismissed it at first, but now, after multiple nudges, it’s starting to feel like it’s time.
Visualize Your New Identity The next step is to envision what this new chapter could look like. Imagine yourself in this new identity, however it may present itself — whether it’s a new career, a fresh relationship dynamic, or a completely different way of life. It might not feel entirely comfortable yet, but paint a picture of what the best version of this change could look like. Visualize the identity in the best possible way, with your face in that picture, even if it doesn’t quite feel like a perfect fit just yet. This visualization can help create space for growth and possibility.
Listen to Your Body One of the most powerful tools you have in navigating any change is your body. Our bodies carry deep wisdom, and they send us signals when something feels out of alignment. So, when you’re grappling with a major identity shift, sit with your body and check in. Where do you feel tension? Where are the blocks? What is the fear trying to tell you? Be honest with yourself about these emotions. If you’re unsure where to start, I highly recommend the RAIN exercise to process difficult feelings: Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture your emotions. The more you listen to your body, the clearer the path forward will become.
Make the Leap Finally, when you’re ready, take the plunge. Changing your identity isn’t a light switch — it’s a process, and it often feels clumsy at first. But it’s also exciting! Finally, you take the plunge. A significant change in identity can feel cumbersome at first because there are a lot of people who need to get a new intro on you. How do you want to prepare to make this the best experience you can have? Will you author a post or send a mass mailing? Enlist the help of friends and family? How can you rework your tried and true intro to reflect your new chapter? Do you have responses ready for those who question or doubt you? Have you enlisted the help of your best supports? Can you build community among the fellow travelers along your new path? You don't have to navigate this alone. In fact, the more you can surround yourself with people who understand your journey, the smoother the transition will be.