Should I Stay or Should I Go (Back)? A Conversation About Home and Change with Hank

What does it take to feel at home in a foreign land in your 20s? And what does it mean to come home again in your 30s—only to discover you’re a little foreign there, too?

That thought experiment was on my mind when I invited Hank onto the Range of Change podcast. Hank is an American who, on a whim, took a job in Berlin that led to a decade of life abroad—and then made the big decision to move back to the U.S. and hit the road in an RV. On paper, it sounds like an adventure story. The kind people daydream about at their desks.

A single job post in a Facebook group turns into ten years in Berlin, a life built from scratch in a new culture, bureaucratic headaches navigated, friendships formed, even a home that felt permanent (once he bought the couch and the coffee machine, of course). But if you listen closely, it’s not just a travelogue. It’s a study in what real change looks like—and what it takes to sustain it.

When Certainty Never Shows Up

Hank’s story wasn’t about a single brave decision, once and for all. It was dozens of small, messy, human choices. He didn’t have a perfect plan, and certainly didn’t know for sure it would work from the moment he received the job offer. He didn’t always know what he wanted next. He just kept adapting and checking in with himself and his partner about what they needed at each stage. 

One moment that struck me: Hank described buying a couch in Berlin. Suddenly, leaving wasn’t so simple anymore.

Isn’t that always the way? Change isn’t one big cliff-jump. It’s a series of small thresholds you cross—often without realizing it. And sometimes, you realize you want to change again. We love to imagine that big life decisions will come with certainty. That the fear will vanish and we’ll just know it’s time. But in every conversation I’ve had on this podcast—from couples who retired early to live half the year in Thailand, to families volunteering overseas—I’ve heard the same truth: Certainty is rare.

You won’t know exactly how it will turn out, and you are not guaranteed a happy ending. What you can know is yourself, your values and your reasons for staying, or going and trying something new.

Building Community, One Connection at a Time

Another thing Hank shared felt deceptively simple but incredibly important:

“Once you have that one friend, you’re not just the one guy anymore.”

That’s textbook psychological safety. In any transition—new country, new company, new habit—isolation feels dangerous. Our brains are wired to want to be part of the herd, equating safety in numbers and membership in a crowd. Change becomes sustainable when you have at least one person who sees you, stands beside you, and helps you get out of your own head. Hank’s story is a reminder that even if you choose to be bold, you don’t have to do it alone. This is the heart of the work I do as a change coach. Working through fear and in ambiguity, choosing good enough over perfect, to make the leap into uncertainty when you’re ready.

Tools for Facing Your Own Leap

If Hank’s story has you thinking about your own stuck place or your own crossroads, here are a few coaching prompts and tools to help:

• Name the fear. What exactly are you afraid of? Getting it wrong? Losing money? Feeling foolish? Naming it reduces its power.

• Define your values. Change is easier to navigate when you’re clear about why you want it. My Values Clarity Worksheet is a good place to start.

• Plan for the first step—not the whole journey. You don’t need the entire map to start moving.

• Build your support system. Hank didn’t do it alone. Neither should you. Find mentors, friends, professionals who can help you see blind spots and encourage you when it’s hard.

• Allow for re-negotiation. You don’t have to get it right forever. You just have to choose now.

  
  

Hank’s story isn’t just entertaining; it’s instructive. It shows us that while change can be messy, imperfect, and uncomfortable, it’s also how we grow into new chapters of ourselves.

If you’re standing at one of those turning points, maybe feeling the tug of a new possibility but held back by uncertainty, I’d love to help.

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If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Drop me a note about the pivotal moment you’re considering, share this post with someone who might need it, or let’s talk about how coaching can support your next leap.